Saturday, February 23, 2008

Living a heartfelt life

Day two of back to business.

Funny how a break -- whatever the reason, can interrupt my flow, my commitment, my habitual tasks.

Before the surgery, writing here every morning was a joy. This past week, I dreaded it. And now, I understand why.

I am not in the habit of giving myself medicine. Yesterday, I went to assist in the Contract room at Choices and people continually asked me how I felt. And then one man mentioned his wife had had her gallbladder out a couple of years ago. "It's a good thing it's no longer such an invasive surgery. Recovery isn't as prolonged as in the past," he said. And then he looked at me and smiled. "I have a feeling it wouldn't be prolonged with you anyway. You seem to be recovering remarkably past."

I laughed. "That isn't how I feel," I replied. "I feel frustrated that I still don't have my normal level of energy."

"Patience, grasshopper," he said.

Patience. He must have been speaking to C.C. and my daughters. It is a favourite topic of discussion between us -- my lack of patience -- especially where I'm concerned.

Arnold Glasgow said, "The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it.”

When it comes to my body,I still try using a hammer when loving tender care and a gentle touch would do! Just get going, my mind screams as my body calls for rest. Don't give in. Don't quit. Go. Go. Go.

Yesterday, I stepped into the Contract room at Choices and breathed deeply. There was medicine in that room for me -- as there always is when I am at Choices. It is what I find so powerful about the process and the people.

I have always dreamt of being 'just me' in the world. Of being authentic. Of being my true self.

At Choices, I can be, 'just me'. I can live in my heart, move from it, be it.

In my every-day life, I fear living in my heart. My 'tapes' tell me that it is not safe. I am at risk of being wounded, ridiculed, shunned, they tell me.

So often, to survive in the everyday world, or at least to feel safe, I don a mask to protect myself from the slings and arrows that inevitably come from living in the hustle bustle of a world where wounded hearts abound -- not because someone, sometime, intentionally set out to wound us, but rather because we never had the tools to live a heartfelt life.

Choices is about heartfelt living. Choices is all about making Thelma Box's dream, the founder, come true. Her purpose is To Change the World One Heart at a Time.

I feel revived today. Healed. My body isn't clamouring for rest. My mind isn't pushing away from being here, or anywhere. I am at peace.

And that is the medicine of Choices.

The question is: Where do you live? In your heart, or in your head, fearing that your heart is at risk if you let it shine? Have you found a place where you can safely be your authentic self? Do you know your authentic self?

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