Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Good enough for me in the here and now.

This is my 368th post on Recover Your Joy.

A pretty amazing feat for me -- to write (almost) everyday in this place. To stay focused on the joy in my life. To create value out of every awakening.

I'm pleased!

If it wasn't a habit to write here every morning before, it definitely is now.

What I have learned in this process is the importance of keeping commitments -- not just ones I make to others, but one's I make with myself.

I made the commitment to write here for me -- I wanted to share my joy, to inspire others to look at their lives through different glasses. I also wanted to inspire myself, to send myself a message every morning that stated, I can do this. I am worth committing to.

And I am.

A piece of feedback I received last week from one of the facilitators was, "I experience you as a woman who will never find a good enough answer for her."

I meditated on that feedback all week. Was it true? Was I searching for answers simply for the sake of answers? Discarding answers I already had in the hopes that there was a better one out there? Not accepting that what I know, who I am, what I have is good enough in the here and now?


Finally, I had to ask myself the tough question: If I don't believe there is a good enough answer for me, how will I ever accept I am good enough for me?

I breathed.

Powerful stuff when I ask myself the tough question and let the answer filter through my denial. Like rain and the heat of the sun awakening spring flowers, the truth awakens in me.

In my quest to become all I'm meant to be, I've searched for the answer as to who I'm meant to be somewhere out there, as well as deep within me. In my quest for the perfect answer, I've missed the absolute truth -- who I am is and always has been good enough. It's my blind searching that's kept me from acknowledging and embracing that truth.

I am good enough for me.

There will always be room to grow. Always be the need to grow to keep expanding my knowledge and understanding of myself and how I interact with the world around me.

Coming from a place of being good enough for me right now, however, means I don't have to search for answers. I can accept I have answers that work for me today. I can dance in my truth today -- I am good enough for me right now.

What a joy to know, who I am in this moment is exactly who I am meant to be. When I stand in my truth, I jettison my need and habit of doing things that undermine me, that deter me from my path of integrity. As I told Mary, one of the facilitators, it's almost as if I can't accept I'm good enough. To ensure I hold myself back, I do something without integrity just so I can pick up another lump of shame.

Leaning over and picking up shame is not working for me anymore.

The choice is mine. To keep doing what I've always done and getting the same result (disatisfaction, dismay and disgruntlement with who I am and discord with the world around me), or to do something different -- to accept to be all I'm meant to be I must act in ways that acknowledge with each step -- I don't need to pick up that lump of shame. The habit of doing it is not working. The habit is making me sick.

Here's to dumping old habits and picking up a new pair of glasses, donning a new robe of freedom.

Time to dance.

The question is: What are you doing that you've always done and getting the same results you don't want? Where are your habits keeping you back from being all you are right now without fear, or shame, or guilt, or sadness, or anger or denial holding you back?

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