How high is contentment?
How deep is joy?
Size is not the issue. Depth, breadth, width, height. They are measurements for bridges and buildings, but not for feelings.
Some feelings are just too hard to describe.
Some feelings are just too deep to measure.
Some feelings are simply too painful to feel.
And yet, we feel them. We witness their impact in the things we do to hurt oursleves and those we love.
At Super Choices, I uncovered feelings I did not know I held within me. Patterns of behaviour that I did not know were directing me into all the wrong places because I was looking for relief from the ache of carrying those feelings around within me.
I do not know what I do not know.
The joy of having discovered these feelings, these emotions, these stories I've told myself throughout my life to keep myself safe from the pain of feeling, is not measurable. This joy is all around me, within me, about me. It is peace.
As I sat by the beach one morning last week, I imagined my birth. I wasn't quite awake enough to be truly present in the moment of my birth, but I've told lots of stories about it simply based on the information I was provided by my family. The meaning and significance I placed on those stories became some of the lies I told myself throughout my life -- I was unwanted. A mistake. Not needed. A misfit.
Truth is, I am a unique woman. There is no other human being on this planet who thinks or feels or sees, or experiences life exactly the way I do. I am unique. We all are.
On that morning last week as I sat on the beach, I created in my mind the memory of my birth I wanted to hold onto. My mother and father lovingly holding me as an infant, cooing to me. Whispering their awe and joy of my arrival into their lives. They told me all the things I wanted and needed to hear. How special I am. How unique. What a joy I am to them. How precious I am. How wanted.
With my image in my mind, I carefully placed the tableau of my birth under a glass, just like a nativity scene under a snowdome. In my mind, I placed that scene in my heart where it continues to resonate throughout my being.
It is never too late to create the childhood of your dreams. It is never too late to create memories worth keeping.
The question is: Are you willing to let go of painful memories from the past and replace them with the song of love and joy you want to sing today? Are you willing to create the childhood of your dreams so you can live freely in today?