Perfectly human.

Discovering fearlessness comes from working with the softness of the human heart. Chogyam Trungpa, The Sacred Path of the Warrior

My stinkin' thinkin' had a ride yesterday. For all my good intentions, all my positive directions, I still fell into that mire of self-pity where I was a victim and feeling helpless.

I am not helpless.

Life is a journey with serendipity its companion.

In the middle of my day, as muddled thoughts steamed and stewed in my mind about what I should have said, could have done, might have been when a bump in the road rose up and tripped me up, I received an email from a woman asking me if I ever had one of those days where soul work leads to the dam bursting open.

Yup. I replied. Having one of those today.

This morning, I opened my email and she had written back a delightful and insightful response. (Okay, she's delightful, her response was insightful!) The quote above by Tibetan Buddhist, Chogyam Trungpa, is the very last line of a paragraph she shared from the book she's reading, Broken Open by Elisabeth Lesser.

It hit me. Hard.

My life contract is: I am a fearless woman.

It represents what I need more of in my life to live the life of my dreams. Fearlessness. To be Open. Soft. Peaceful. Vulnerable.

And there's that word again. Vulnerable.

The heart is a vulnerable space. A mystical, magical, emotion-filled place.

When I get stuck in my head, my heart constricts and I am cut off from the magic and the mystery of my purpose-driven life. When I am toiling in the soil of my unforgiveness for my human condition, I am cutting myself off from living with heart, in my heart, heartfully. I am depriving myself of living a life that matters, the life of my dreams.

I am blessed.

On my journey, I have been given gifts from family and friends, and from strangers. CW's gift of her email this morning resonates like a harp being plucked in a room full of instruments. The harmonic resonance creates melody in the companion pieces simply through one chord being played. Its echo is felt throughout every cell of room.

I am that harp. Resonating. On fire. Opened up. Alight. At peace being who I am meant to be.

CW wrote, "Wavy Gravy says, “We’re all bozos on the bus, so sit back and enjoy the ride.” Which is a reminder that we’re all human … something I sometimes have trouble forgiving myself for."

Yesterday, I taught a self-esteem course at the shelter where I work. The students and I spent a lot of time exploring the concept of self-forgiveness.

"I'm going to have to spend my life forgiving myself," one native man said. He's been sober since August. "I'm not too sharp," he had said earlier in the class. "It took me awhile to figure out it was my drinking that was causing my problems. Not the world around me."

"Forgiveness is a wonderful gift to spend your life giving yourself," I replied.

Time to shine the light of forgiveness on myself. Time to dose myself in love and harmony, joy and peace. As CW also wrote, "...there will be times when we are judgmental, quick-tempered, mean-spirited, self-indulgent and just plain NOT NICE."

I wasn't very nice to myself yesterday. Kept myself locked in unforgiveness, in judgement and fear.

And that's okay. While I'd like to think I do this 'living' thing perfectly, the reality is, I do it perfectly human. At times, I shine. Sometimes, I roll in the mud and get myself dirty. The gift is in not keeping myself stuck in the mud, but letting myself flow into the river of forgiveness so that I can swim freely. Naked. Open. Vulnerable and free.

I am human. A perfect being, human in all my imperfections.

The question is: Are you letting the victim's voice stick you with its stinkin' thinkin'? Are you willing to pluck the harp string of harmony and let your heart break open to loving yourself, in all your humanness, frailty and all?