Stinkin' Thinkin'

If you and I are having a single thought of violence or hatred against anyone in the world at this moment, we are contributing to the wounding of the world. Deepak Chopra

At a course I took, attendees were asked to raise their hand every time they had a judgemental thought about someone in the room. The judgement could be as simple as, "Not her again!" to "Why can't he just get over it?" or "What is wrong with her?" We didn't have to keep our hands up, just raise them and bring them back down.

Disturbing. Stunning. Humbling.

Hands were flying up all day long. The first time I noticed someone raise their hand I thought, "Why are they doing that? The presenter didn't ask a question. There's no need for clarification with what she said. It's pretty simple. Ahhh.... She's an attention getter."

Zap! Judgement.

I'd forgotten. She was raising her hand because of the game.

I raised my hand slightly. Not very high. I didn't want it to be too obvious that I was making judgements on my fellow course mates. But I did want to play the game properly.

As the day moved on, people began to forget about raising their hands. The presenter reminded us. "What a stupid game." I thought.

Zap! Judgement. Hand up. A little higher.

Years ago, I wanted to change some negative thinking to positive. Fill the space that was cluttered with garbage with thoughts that supported me. I started to keep a list of when I had negative thoughts, or when I said something negative.

Disturbing. Startling. Humbling.

We all have judgemental thoughts. The challenge is acknowledging them.

When I am thinking negative thoughts about myself, I am wounding my inner world. When I make judgements about the people and happenings in the world around me, I am contributing to wounding the world.

Keeping track for a day of my 'stinkin' thinkin' is a good way to get in touch with how I am contributing to the light in the world. It's a good way to step out of the darkness.

Recently C.C. did something that ticked me off. Like a rabbit being chased by a fox, I dove into my judgemental mindspace and started digging up dirt on his faults and failings. You know, the inner conversation that goes something like, "What is his problem? Can't he see what he's doing is wrong, bad, hurtful... (fill in the blank). Can't he see he's being... Stupid. Inconsiderate. Selfish... (fill in the blank) Can't he see if he'd just listen to me and do what I say everything would be better and I wouldn't be so angry?"

As my head was catapulting around with its turbulent thinking, C.C. was sleeping blissfully. Unaware of my angst. Unconscious to my judgements. By the time he awoke, however, I was in fine form. Ready to go to war. Ready to set him straight. To make him see the error of his ways and how he had to change. I was all set to create discord in the world around me.

I had to give my head a shake. Was what he did so wrong that it gave me the right to tear down his self-esteem?
No.

Was what he did about me?

No.

Was what he did so awful that it gave me the right to corrode the fibre of our relationship by puring the acid rain of my vitriolic upon our love?

No.

I am not responsible for what he does. Or what anyone does for that matter.

I am responsible for me.

When I stepped back and asked myself, "I wonder why he does that?" I got out of my "What is his problem?" thinking to that place where I could talk lovingly about how I was affected by the situation. I became focussed on creating harmony, not discord. Rather than attack him with a list of how he'd wronged me, I approached him with my truth. I talked about my feelings, my fears, my needs and asked him about his feelings, fears and needs.

In stepping out of condemnation, I opened up the door to conversation. Loving. Respectful. Revealing. and Intimate -- Intimacy based on a belief that I get more of what I want in my life when I let others Into-Me-See.

And here's my invitation for the day. Get a little notebook, or a piece of paper, tuck it into your pocket or wallet and keep track of your thinking for the day. Every time you notice a negative thought, or a judgemental comment slide through your mind, make a tick on the paper.

Be honest. Be conscious.

Keep track. Just for a day.

At the end of the day, ask yourself, does this thinking enrich my life? Does it make me feel calm and centered? Does it create value? Does it get me more of what I want, or less?

The question is: Are you willing to be honest with yourself and keep track of your thinking? Are you willing to observe what you're doing long enough to become conscious of the possibilities of contributing the best of you to the world?