Weighty matters

People often tell me that motivation doesn't last, and I tell them that bathing doesn't either. That's why I recommend it daily. Zig Ziglar

I am developing a new morning habit -- doing my A Course In Miracles exercise every morning. It doesn't take long -- ten minutes tops. What it does take is the commitment to do it daily.

I am developing a habit of eating healthy foods and not eating foods that hurt me. It doesn't take a lot to do it. What it does take is the commitment to do it.

I have lots of habits. I always floss and brush my teeth before I go to bed. I wash my face. I make coffee every morning. I read the newspaper. I skip breakfast -- gotta change that one! I put make-up on if I'm going to work -- I don't put it on if it's the weekend. I always drive with music on in my car. I write with no music on in my office. I check my email before I start to write in the morning. I check my email before I leave for the office. I recycle. I reuse. I reduce waste.

I have lots of habits.

I have the capacity to develop new habits -- I have the capacity to hold onto habits that don't help me.

Which brings me right back to the habit that causes me the most stress. Thinking about my weight.

It is a weighty matter that weighs heavily on my mind. I think about my weight alot. Wonder about why I hold onto the extra poundage. Why I slip so easily into ignoring what I'm eating so that I can allow myself to eat whatever I want even when I know what I want is not good for me.

I decided to use The Option Method to narrow down my thinking on my weight. To peel back the layers of thought that were keeping me from seeing what was at the core of this weighty matter.

The first question is: What am I unhappy about with my weight?

The thinking: I'm unhappy that I can't seem to lose this 20 lbs that sits on my middle like a ballerina's tutu. It flutters and flops, moving where ever I go. I have formed an attachment to it that irritates me throughout the day. I always feel it. Always know it's there. I dip. It dips. I spin. It spins. I bend. It bends. It is always around me. During the day, an inordinate amount of my thinking is focused on my weight.

Question 2: What is it about having this weight attached to me that makes me unhappy?

The thinking: I feel disappointed in myself that I haven't done anything about it. I look for some deeper meaning as to why I'm keeping it around -- like maybe I'm unhappy with certain aspects of my life and I just don't want to admit it. Or, maybe I am too lazy to do anything about it -- which then suggests I am letting myself down and not living my best yet. Or, maybe it represents an area of me I can self-sabotage in -- and that's not healthy!

Question 3: Why am I unhappy about self-sabotaging myself?

The thinking: Because I have spent a lot of my life self-sabotaging and it's my worst habit. It undermines me. It keeps me from living the life of my dreams. It speaks to thinking I am 'less than'. It holds me back from being and having more than I ever imagined possible in my life. I've been unhappy about my weight my entire life. Even when I was super fit and ran the marathon, I was unhappy about my weight. Maybe being unhappy about my weight is the habit and it has nothing to do with self-sabotage -- just a habitual thinking problem that I developed long ago -- for whatever reason -- and am unwilling or unprepared to let go of now.

Question 4: What am I afraid it would mean if I weren't unhappy about my weight?

The thinking: Hmmm. Well the simple answer is -- I'd be happy about myself if I didn't carry this extra weight. I'd be satisfied. But why does weight determine my happiness with me? There's obviously something deeper here. Something more integral to my personal belief system. Like, what does this weight represent -- but it's not the weight, it's my thinking around my weight. I've always thought I was over-weight no matter what I weighed. The weighty matter is my thinking and that gets back to some deeper sense of self-worth, or lack of self-worth. To not be unhappy about my weight would mean I have to accept myself exactly the way I am, without judging myself in any way. I judge myself constantly about my weight, even when weight isn't the issue.

To not be unhappy with my weight would mean I'm accepting myself exactly the way I am and if I accept myself exactly the way I am, I'm afraid I wouldn't keep wanting to improve, to grow, to change and evolve into my best yet.

Question 5: Why do I believe that?

The thinking: Because within me is this belief that I'm not good enough just the way I am. That if I'm not changing who I am then I am not being a 'good enough' person.

Being not good enough resonates within me. It fires off the warning bells of fear. Alarms clang and I prepare myself to Dive! Dive! Dive!

And so I surface back at the beginning. Back to that place where I began. That place where peace resides and acceptance reigns as I let go of the distraction of thinking about something I'm doing nothing about, thinking about something that keeps me stuck in feeling unhappy with me and my life.

I'm not thinking about my weight. I'm thinking about how I have to change and holding onto the weight gives me a reason to not accept the truth that -- I am perfectly okay just the way I am. I have areas that need improvement. But the core of me, the beautiful, spiritual, unique core of me is okay. Always was. Always will be.

I don't need to change me. I just need to change my thinking.

Change my thinking=Change my day=Change my life.

My weight is not the issue. My thinking I need to constantly change myself is weighing me down. In thinking I must always be changing, I keep myself from knowing the bliss of self-acceptance, just the way I am. And without acceptance, I am constantly looking to change me, myself and the world around me. That can be tiring! I am tired of tiring myself out with dissatisfaction! I am tired of tiring out the world around me with my constant lobbying for change. I am willing to accept myself -- Just the way I am! I am willing to accept the world around me, just the way it is!

Now that feels lighter!

The question is: What's on your mind? What's making you feel unhappy or dissatisfied with who you are, just the way you are? Are you willing to ask yourself the questions?