Being of infinite wonder

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm. As you get older, remember you have another hand: the first is to help yourself, the second is to help others. Audrey Hepburn

I work in a sector that is considered one of the 'helping' sectors. We reach out to those who have lost themselves on the street and cannot find their way back without some help. In the course of what we do as a shelter, we need to evaluate what we do in context to individuals -- are we abling or enabling? Are we helping or disenfranchising? Are we lending a hand up or being a hand out?

It is sometimes a delicate balance to determine where 'the line' is drawn, particularly when addictions muddy the waters of self-realization. We don't quantify the 'help' we provide. We don't qualify it by saying, "We'll help you, but not you. You're eligible. You're not." -- until someone wants to access more than just food or shelter. Then there are criteria to be met, and expectations made on behaviour such as sobriety.

This is a pretty big philosophical question. And I don't pretend to have the answers. What I do have is a desire to inspire individuals to find themselves again, where ever they're at, so they can love themselves enough to 'get up', get on, get out of where ever they are stuck -- to whatever degree it is possible for them to do so.

Some days, it's not easy.

Yesterday, I had a talk with one of our supervisors about a client who is extremely gifted. Since awakening to his creative talents, ones he always had, used to use and then put aside as he fell into an alcoholic haze, he has progressively moved closer to sobriety. But still, he falls. On the weekend, he was in the art studio and he was drunk. I had to ask him to leave.

He left without a fuss, but the challenge remains on balancing the benefits of his access to the studio versus the impact his drunken appearance has on the other artists. They are all in recovery of some sort. When someone appears drunk, it triggers them.

I believe triggers are often gifts that can help us grow. When I am 100% accountable for everything I do, say, think and feel, then I cannot target someone else for my bad behaviour. However, having someone blatantly ignore the rules is wrong. Where to 'draw the line'. How do I create harmony? How do I maintain the integrity of the program?

And I have answered my own question as I wrote it out.

Each individual is accountable for their behaviour. When they come to the studio is up to them. The one criteria is, they come sober.

The integrity of the space requires their adherence to this rule.

I am not responsible for the artists. I am responsible for holding the space open for them to explore their creative selves. I am responsible for ensuring the studio is a safe space. As one of the artists described it, "This is a sacred space. We will not do anything to jeopardize our being able to use it."

The artist who said that happens to be the one who appeared drunk.

And so I have my answer. Whether or not we are alcoholics, drug addicts, sober, we are accountable for our actions. Reaching out, in this case, is about, reaching in to touch the spirit of the man, to hold him accountable for his behaviour and to mete out a consequence that does not undermine his progress, but does uphold the integrity of the 'sacred space' which he violates every time he turns up drunk.

It is part of life. I am accountable for how I turn up. When I turn up in my life out of sorts with my environment, I am violating one of my core beliefs.

Life is sacred. Every individual a unique voice filled with gifts only that individual can share.

There are always choices. Towards my passions. Away from my dreams. Every step I take is in a direction I determine.

Anyone can choose to drink. No matter how much I would like someone to stop, it is not up to me to determine that they do. Like abuse, I cannot stop an abuser being an abuser. I can stop abuse happening in my life by standing up for me, turning up in my life filled with the wonder of all I am when I step free of limiting beliefs that would have me believe, abuse is all I deserve.

When someone chooses to drink in a space that is sacred, they are negatively impacting 'the whole'. They are undermining the sacredness of the place and space where beauty is created by those who are willing, no matter how faltering their steps, to step clear of limiting beliefs and explore all that is great about being human.

The question is: Where are you stepping today? Into your belief you are less than you want to be, or into that sacred space where you are a being of infinite wonder?