Good question!

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. Mark Twain

CS posed an interesting question on my blog, The Formula for Life. What makes it so difficult for people (us, I, all) to see what they truly are? Specifically the characters other people see so easily?

My first response was, hmmmm, good question. And then my inquiring mind jumped to, Is it true? Do people (us, I, all) really have difficulty seeing who we truly are? Do others see us as someone other than who we do?

Or, is CS referring to something deeper when she suggests "the characters other people see so easily?

The simple answer to CS's question is: We are all miracles of life. And sometimes, we have difficulty believing in miracles. Accepting that we are miracles can be difficult because we lost the wonder of our birth at birth. Through the growing years, the daily grind of fitting into imperfect families made up of perfectly imperfect human beings finding their way in a perfectly imperfect world, chipped away at our belief in the miracle of who we are -- it never diminished the miracle of us, each and every one of us, but it did inhibit our ability to grasp the magnitude of our beauty, the magnitude of the beauty of those who gave birth to us, and to those who shared our journey through life.

I read somewhere (and I wish I could remember where so that I could reference the source) we all want to believe we are doing our best. No matter our circumstances, we are doing the best we can to 1)change them, 2) accept them, 3) respond to them...

And because we believe we are doing our best, if we are experiencing stress and strain in our lives, then it's hard to acknowledge that doing 'our best' isn't getting us what we want in life. Thus, to accept where we're at, we either have to accept 'our best isn't good enough' -- which then suggests, we're not good enough, or we have to acquiesce and fall into place, giving up the struggle to change where we're at so that we can live with where we're at and not face what we perceive to be the truth (which is actually a lie) that this is all we're worth.

The challenge is always our biases.

We each contain a set of internal biases that inhibit our ability to 'see' ourselves out in the world as others see us -- and others only see us through their own biases as well.

For me, CSs question is very evident in my life, particularly with my daughters. Both my daughters are unique, gifted human beings. One of my daughters happens to be amazingly gifted as a performer. She has suggested that I 'pushed' her into performing arts. I've balked at the idea. I mean really, I want my daughters to be happy, to do what makes them happy, to have the courage to use their unique gifts to create value in their world as only they can. Imagine, (picture me standing with hands on hips, chin thrust forward defiantly) that she would even suggest I am the reason she studied performing arts! She's always wanted to be an actress. Always wanted to be a singer! I didn't make her do it!!!!

What if she's right?

What if my own internal biases where, as a child I was never allowed to dream my dream of being a performer, created a world in which she naturally began to express herself through singing and acting and dancing -- not because it was what she 'wanted' to do, but because I made it possible for her to dream whatever dream she wanted (with a bias towards the performing arts), and she was doing her best to please me?

A powerful question.

I am always looking at you looking at me through my own bias.

You are always looking at me looking at you through your own bias.

Getting clean of my bias isn't about letting go of my unique perspective, it's about accepting, when I see 'you', I see who I need/want to see, not who you see yourself to be.

In every class I teach at the shelter where I work, I ask each participant to close their eyes and for a moment, "Imagine. Imagine you are a magnificent human being. You are all you want to be. You fly. You shine bright. You are a brilliant light."

With their eyes closed, I ask each person to sit as if they truly, truly are that magnificent human being. To breathe in the essence of their brilliance, to shine forth the beauty of their spirits.

And when they open their eyes, I ask them. "Could you feel it? Did you believe it?" And they always say (sometimes hesitantly -- it can be frightening to believe we are beautiful and magnificent), "Yes."

"You are that magnificent human being of your imagining." I tell them. "For that one shining moment you lived your magnificence. Your journey is to live it with your eyes wide open in wonder. If you can imagine it, it is because you are. Your journey is to bring your magnificence into the light of your reality."

For me, it is not that others see me as someone other than who I am. It is that I see myself as someone worthy of my love. I am a magnificent human being. Brilliantly shining.

I see all of us as magnificent human beings. Brilliantly shining.

And the gift I see in each of us is the gift of grace. The gift of being exactly who we are, in love with all of us, exactly the way we are in this moment. Beauty and the beast. Warts and all.

I don't have the answer yet to CSs question. Perhaps it isn't that there is one answer. But many perspectives. Each one unique. Each one a reflection of who we are when we look at someone and see something we believe they don't see. Perhaps that's why it's so important to tell people the wonder we see in them, so that they too can hear their brilliance calling them to shine brightly.

The question is: Do you feel it? Can you taste it? Can you breathe in the brilliance of your magnificence?