Monday, March 16, 2009

A pain in the back.

Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention. Jim Rohn
I had a list of things I wanted to get done around the house yesterday. I didn't get any of them completed. I awoke with a twinge in my back that erupted into a stabbing pain the moment I coughed. Bed beckoned and I retreated from the day.

Which was not all bad. Between a pill to ease the pain and copious amounts of tea, I spent my day napping and reading, napping and reading. Not particularly productive -- but back pain is like that. It demands my full attention -- not because I want to. Every move must be calculated with care and attention. Every move must be deliberate. To not put my attention on how I move my back will result in serious pain -- and I don't like pain!

Lying in bed has the potential to be filled with conflict. The list of Things to Do awaits. It's not getting done. One side of my mind scurries around whispering incentives to get going, get up, get moving. The other side hammers the whisperer into silence with entreaties to 'Relax. It's okay. You'll get it done later."

In my mind, chores had better get done while I think of them because -- well, they tend to be last on my list. When they make it to the top, I'd best respond without hesitation because later is always too late in my mind. If I don't get it done now, the momentum will be lost, the mission aborted, the goal forgotten.

My chores didn't get done yesterday. Not much got done actually other than my resting for a day in bed.

Not all bad. I gave myself the gift of my attention yesterday. My back still hurts. I'm still moving slowly -- but it didn't get worse! And now, I'm off to the chiropractor for some relief. As I told my friend C who seriously hurt her back in a car accident a few weeks ago, "It's sympathy pain for you my friend! I just wanted to let you know I understand what you're going through."

The question is: Can you give yourself your full attention, in sickness and in health? Can you hear your bodies need for tender loving care, even when you don't feel like giving it to yourself?

1 comment:

i am storm. said...

i often have this battle with myself. for me it is the guilt of doing nothing.

i am just recovering from being sick...days of broken and little sleep....hours of sneezing and coughing....of an inability to maintain a coherent, consistent thought.

still i felt guilty for being sick ....for not accomplishing more. yesterday was my worst day and it was beautiful weather here. i started the day feeling bad for not being out enjoying the weather. until i gave myself a sanity check.

self, i said (lol), you are not feeling well. it is ok. you do not have to be busy all the time, doing things, going places to be of value. you are worth your own time. rest. recuperate. it is ok.

i did a few things around the house, but rested in between. i watched a movie on tv and flipped through a recipe book. i snuggled with the pup and drank hot lemon with honey. i cared for me.

i am not 100% today, but i awoke feeling somewhat better -- stronger. i am getting things done today. the world did not fall apart.

i am worth my time.

storm