To realign, redesign, reconsider.
It is a day to re-order.
A re-do kind of day.
Thoughts.
Perceptions
Options.
Directions.
Assumptions.
Conclusions.
It is a day to nurture an aching heart. A day to shore up flagging spirits.
It is a day to shine.
And that's the thing.
My heart breaks open and I free fall into that place where limitless possibilities expand into my horizons breaking apart my assumptions of how things needed or should or would be.
This morning, while reading and writing and meditating and thinking and viewing I came across an idea for a New Year's Resolution.
Beginning today I resolve to challenge my assumptions.
That's it. My New Year's 2010 Resolution: Challenge my assumptions.
I assumed I would be happy living with this man for the rest of my life.
Challenged, that assumption opens me up to different possibilities.
- To be happy I must live with him for the rest of my life.
- I won't be happy for the rest of my life.
- I won't be happy living with him for the rest of my life.
The first assumption requires two people to concur, and when one relinquishes the belief that happiness entails being together, it does not eliminate happiness, it simply removes the living together as part of the equation.
The second doesn't sit well with me. I can choose to be happy for the rest of my life. My happiness is my choice. If I choose happiness over sadness, joy over sorrow -- regardless of where I live, with whom I live or what's happening in my living environment -- I will be living the life of my dreams.
And the third assumption is a possibility I never thought of. Living with the first assumption as the foundation of our relationship, it was never challenge -- well, okay, maybe sometimes as I wondered if it really was worth all the 'work'. The possibility of this assumption being true however, was always there -- it's all in my perspective -- and my perspective was to choose to not give breath to this possibility with my commitment to be in the relationship as the foundation of my thinking.
Now, this assumption has air to breathe. And I have room to see the possibility of my greatest choice.
Be happy.
The power is in my choices. And the only choices I have total control over are the ones that affect how I live my life internally -- not the choices that are in reaction to what is going on around me or for those around me -- over which I have little or no control.
With or without him in my life, Happiness is always in my life.
Happiness is: a choice.
Some time ago I stumbled upon Dan Gilbert's book, Stumbling Upon Happiness. Gilbert is a Harvard Psychologist whose work on happiness is inspiring and intriguing.
At the same time, I found a speech he'd given at Ted Talks and posted it some time ago. I went in search of it this morning as I wanted to watch and listen again to what he has to say about the power of our choice to create happiness in our lives.
Happiness can be synthesized he says. We just have to challenge our assumptions.
I'm choosing happiness this morning. I'm choosing to challenge my assumptions that my happiness is dependent upon someone else's choice to be in or out of my life. I'm choosing to challenge my assumption taht I need someone else in my life to be happy.
Having someone else there is nice.
But it doesn't determine my happiness.
I do.
I repost Dan Gilbert's talk here: Enjoy!
4 comments:
Elgie,
nowhere it is written, or some natural law:
that we must figure anything out - in a day, a week, a year
or at all
ever
to 'not figure out', to just be
that is an option too
for a day, a week or a year
enormous pressure is placed on our 'need to know' and understand; that pressure is almost always self-imposed
no one else does
I don't have a need to figure it out
or have a need to know that you've figured it out
that's totally you
so, focus on that, if you must
do it now, if you must
or do it later, if you can't do it now
or do it never, if you can't do it
no one, other than you, is insistant on anything that you do
on one, other than you, judges you
no one, other than you, is worried
no one, other than you, believes one word of your negative thoughts - never have . .
be you
be free to be unaccountable, to anyone about any thing any day
just be you
you are good at it
you've been doing it really well for a long time
don't pretend to be anyone else
and you'll do fine
hugs,
Mark
One of the first exercises my husband does in his futures work with for-profits and non-profits requires sharing assumptions and then examining and challenging them. People often are surprised by the results, which tend to uncover the disconnects in thinking, doing, achieving - as individuals and within groups.
You point up how challenging assumptions serves us in our personal lives, too. We all bring so much to relationships, and not infrequently a lot of what we bring has nothing to do with the other person. Challenging the assumptions can uncover the truths and when we uncover the truths we can begin to see with open eyes. The choices begin to make a lot more sense then.
And you're right: the only person responsible for our individual happiness is our self.
Blessings. You are loved.
P.S. There's an interesting sharing your word for the year over at Abbey of the Arts. I think you'd enjoy it. The word I left there: Reach.
OMG, the Dan Gilbert video is incredible. What a great thought for the new year. I'm going to share it on facebook ... and watch it AGAIN!!
Thanks Mark.
And maureen, I went to the Abby and posted my word -- Redemption. I'm struggling with it! Which is a good sign for me. New growth struggles to break through the earth. new growth struggles to break through my assumptions.
And Joyce -- he has another one on Ted Talks. Barry Schwartz's talk is also fascinating!
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