Friday, February 26, 2010

Loving myself into being

It's as if some part of me needed to remind me that this waiting period I'm in is a prelude to rebirth, not just a stuck and stagnant place... my only job is to cradle it gently, as a pregnant woman cradles her own belly, and love this potential into being. Diane Walker, Contemplative Photography.
I have been feeling unsettled for the past few days. Knowing the process, I know that unearthing the past brings with it the opportunity to grow, and the risk of getting stuck. Time, as my friend Diane suggests in her blog, Art as healing, art as revelation, to quit resisting being stuck. Time to fall into place where I embrace my 'stuckedness and nurture its potential into being. Time to acknowledge this is a place of rebirth. Of setting free. Getting beyond. Moving forward. Moving into and under and about and within. Time to be at One with where I am.

There is synchronicity at play today. Synchronicity and desinty afoot. This morning, I awoke early. My mind mulling over a recent incident that has unsettled me. The details are not important. The lesson incredibly powerful. The timing profoundly moving.

The incident involved a woman being harassed by someone she met at work. He was in a position of authority. She was there on a contract position. They met. They fell in love. Everything went well until she discovered he'd lied to her. She broke it off. He came to her with protestations. "You have been misled. Please. Be patient. Help me. Stand by me."

She wanted to believe him. Needed to believe in him. She stood. By him.

And then, he lied again. Good-bye she said. She moved on. He followed. "I can't lose you. I've never felt this way before. Please forgive me."

She forgave. She helped him again, but this time, she drew the line. No relationship. Just friendship.

He agreed.

For a few days.

And then the harassment began. Phone calls. Messages. Murmurings of love. Protestations of regret.

She carved the line in stone. No. No contact. No connection.

And still he called. Still he pursued. Not knowing what he was doing, she acquiesed. She spoke with him. She had to be nice. Didn't want to be rude. And he pushed in. Pushed through her boundaries and forced his way into her life. Again.

Until, yesterday, when a friend called me and asked me to talk with her girlfriend.

My friend is broken, she said. Frightened. Confused.

Why is he doing this? the woman asked. Why does he pursue? In one breath tell me he loves me, in the next tell me I'm worthless?

She was concerned for him. Concerned for his career. His reputation. His family.

I don't want to make his life difficult, she said. I just want to get over him. I want him to leave me alone.

Has this made your life difficult? I asked.

She nodded her head. Tears began to fall. Her shoulders shook.

She's lost time at work. Sought professional help. Cried herself to sleep. Kept her blinds closed. Changed her phone number.

And still he pursues.

She talked. I listened. Breathe, I counselled. Breathe. I shared my strength, hope and encouragement. She shared her fears, sorrow, confusion. We found a common ground and cried together.

You cannot stop an abuser being who he is, I told her. You can stop what he's doing in your life to cause you distress. You can stop his actions becoming your reality.

No contact. I said. Make it absolute. Final. Complete. No Contact.

She agreed.

I pray she does.

The friend who had called to ask me to help said, "Why do you seem to encounter so many of these situations?" she asked.

I didn't have a definitive answer to her question. What I do know is that in having experienced the relationship with Conrad, I am grateful to be able to share my learning. Grateful to be able to shed light on the darkness of abuse.

Perhaps, I told my friend, in having gone through those events, people come towards me because they know I have information that can help.

Just as when I need something, some particular information or help, the universe seems to send me what I need.

Like Diane's blog from yesterday which I didn't read until this morning, the words come when the ears of my heart are open.

Just as my blog sister, Joyce's poem, Begin Again, arrived on my desktop at a moment when I needed to be inspired, to feel enlivened, the right words and images arrived to infuse me with the passion to create and the fearlessness to know, I am on my path. My path is leading me where the universe wants me to go. I am at One with the One.

There is something here for me. A lessonl. An idea. A moment of clarity.

I do not need to force it open. Do not need to resist. I simply need to be stuck in this place where I nurture its potential into being, like the sun coaxing the seeds of spring out of winter's fallow ground.

We are One with the One when we embrace each moment as an opportunity to Begin Again. A place to nurture the seed of creativity deep within, to love, as Diane writes, this potential into being.

May your day be filled with moments to love yourself into being.


Joyce Wycoff said...

Louise ... thanks for the callout, and your story, reading it always makes me stronger.

There is a discovery in quantum physics that something is "observed" into being either a particle or a wave. Before that observation, it was just potential. As you listen to, as you observe, the people who bring you their stories, you are loving them into being the strong person they can be. What a gift to give!

M.L. Gallagher said...

Hello Joyce

Your words are healing and empowering. Thank you!


Maureen said...

The answer to your friend's question:

You are your own best example of what it means to love yourself into being.

More hugs.

Anonymous said...

I'm blessed to have stopped in today!!!!