The seduction.

The outward work will never be puny if the inward work is great. Meister Eckhart

In the quiet breath of dawn awakening in golden light, I feel my soul stirring. Calling me. Beckoning me to rise up. To awaken. To step up to the possibility of what this day will bring, free of fear and worry. Free of anxiety. Free.

It is the same every morning, if only I heed dawn's calling. If only I awaken to the day's beauty stirring my soul in every light.

I struggle some days. Struggle to know -- Where is the 'there' I am meant to be. Is this it? Is this what I want? What do I want?

I struggle to make sense and must remind myself that making sense is not possible if I'm mucking about in someone else's nonsense. Nor does it happen when I skirmish about on the surface, creating ripples of discord, making waves of anxiety over questions in my mind that keep me from sinking inside to that place where I am at one with the One in and around above and below me.

There was a chant I loved to sing long ago -- "I walk in beauty now. Beauty lies before me. Beauty lies above me, behind and below me."

As I type the words, the melody of the chant ripples through my mind. I breathe and a thought skitters through my mind, like a cloud chasing the sun. Making sense only happens inside of me. Within. Deep within.

I struggle, arms flailing on the surface, holding my breath as I let fear hold me above water. And then I remember to breathe. To take a deep breath in and let the oxygen expand within me. Imagine each molecule of air opening me up to expansion. Opening me up to sinking deep. Deep into knowing, deep within me, deep into being right here, right now. Where I am at is where I am -- meant to be or not -- it is where I am.

I am a woman of many questions. Always searching for answers. Always searching to know -- without a doubt -- that I am who I am, where I am, meant to be.

And in my constant questioning, in my constant searching for answers, I become -- an unanswered question. Curled up tight like a question mark punctuating a sentence with its constant entreaty to be answered. I become disquieted by the continuous search for 'more'. For something other than right now. Expecting more -- rather than accepting what is and reveling in the beauty of the moment unfolding.

What is -- is right now. In this moment where golden dawn filters through trees casting long shadows across lawns glistening with dew. Light dances on the boughs of the pine tree outside my office window and a cat slips through the hedge in search of some great adventure -- or perhaps, simply looking for a place to curl up and sleep. A robin pecks in the dirt, oblivious to the cat's approach. A young man walks by, he pushes a skateboard in front of him, tapping its heel. It rises and falls like a small boat bobbing on the calm surface of a lake. I see him and wonder 'where's he going so early in the morning?' I let the thought go.

Where am I, so early in the morning?

Again, the question mark luring me with its seductive curl.

I am...

Right here.

Right now.

In this time and space breathing into dawn's graceful entrance from stage right.

I 'see' my struggle to understand. My constant questioning. I breathe and embrace it. I embrace it and breathe into the curling line rising above the dot like smoke rising from a fire. Smoke signals curling into the sky.

Is there a signal here? Here, in the question's curling entreaty, begging me to come into its curve. Or, is it looking for me to straighten it out. To pull it's curling spine up and up and up until suddenly, it awakens and becomes the exclamation mark proclaiming the wonder of this moment of awakening!

Perhaps that's it! To not get stuck in the curve of every question but rather, to gently pull upon the question's lure and straighten it out so that I am no longer seduced by the question but encouraged by the exclamation point of my life unfolding before me.

I struggle with knowing everything, of wanting to understand and discover -- life is not lived in the knowing. It's encountered in each moment becoming enriched by what went before as I awaken to the absolute joy and beauty of being right here, right now, experiencing each moment in the passion of dawn's light awakening.

The question is: Where are you living -- in the seduction of the question curling into itself or in the heights of the exclamation mark calling you to take flight?