The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff. Ambrose BierceI have a habit, and no, it's not of the black and white veil kind. It's the I do this again and again and it doesn't work for me but I keep doing it because I've got this rut that is so comfortable I've started decorating it with some beautiful and oh so clever excuses kind of habit.
Take going to the gym, a new habit I'm trying to form. Now my thought process this morning went something like this...
I'll go later. I get to give myself a treat this morning and how decadent is this to be able to lie in bed on a Friday morning, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper?
Except. The exercise class I wanted to take starts at 9:30 and... it's 9:10 and I'm still in my pjs. Oh well, I'll go later and work out on my own.
Work out on your own? And how hard do you think you'll do that? As hard as if you were in the Core and Force class you committed to yourself you would go to where you'll be pushing yourself to the instructor's beat?
No. Really. I will work hard and I'm so comfortable here in bed and well, I don't often get a Friday morning where I can do this...
Uh huh. And who are you kidding?
Ok. Ok. I hear you.
And so, I made my 9:30 class and I feel so much better for it! In fact, I ran into a friend and we went to the market and had a coffee and sat and chatted for two hours about body image and working out and the mind games we play with ourselves in telling lies about what we have or haven't eaten, done and haven't done, believed and not believed.
It was a great conversation because it reminded me that the only person who's losing out when I am not turning up and working out is.... ME.
My trainer's life doesn't change if I don't turn up.
My daughters' lives won't change if I don't turn up.
My friends' lives won't change if I don't turn up.
It's my life. My thoughts. My beliefs, feelings, ideas, notions about myself that will change when I start turning up.
Sure, their lives could be impacted -- because when I'm feeling good about me, I'm acting out in good ways, being more of an inspiration for change, than a dead weight of anti-change.
So here it is... Seven days of some form of workout every day. Seven days of consciously watching what I'm eating, of what I'm doing to create a more healthy and vibrant me.
A friend said to me the other day, "But Louise, you should love yourself the way you are."
My response. "No way. To love myself at this weight says, I'm denying how I feel at this weight. It's saying, 'you're doing your best honey so it's okay.'"
And it's not okay. It is not okay that I ignore my well-being by carrying extra poundage and not going to the gym. It is not okay when I pretend I'm okay with looking the way I look right now because the truth is, I'm not okay with how I look right now. I don't like the way clothes fit. I don't like the way they hang. I don't like much about this weight because it makes me feel sluggish, dispirited, heavy.
And I am a radiant woman -- and a radiant woman would be doing everything within her power to create brilliance in her life.
And making excuses for myself as to why I am the weight I am, look the way I do, and don't do the things I need to do to feel strong and powerful and brilliant -- is not acceptable.
I am a woman of great power. I am a woman who believes in herself enough to not believe the lies she tells herself about why it's important to love this weight.
I love myself. I do not need to love my extra pounds.
I need to accept I am powerful and then, get active, get in motion, get going on treating my body with love and care. Feed it only those things that empower it, not stress it. Do things for it that create well-being, not ill-health.
I need to shed dead weight and carry on lightly awakening brilliance in a world of joy and wonder.
I feel good about myself today. I'm turning up for me and stepping away from the pain of lying to myself about how I feel about the way I look. I'm shedding dead weight and picking up the truth of who I am when I step lightly on my path, loving myself for all I'm worth and doing what it takes to keep that love shining brightly all around me.
The question is: What kind of lies are you telling yourself that need a little light of truth to make your world less heavy?