Thursday, September 16, 2010

Let me go.

My poet-child, I want you to sing with Me:
I barter nothing with time and deeds.

My cosmic Play is done.

The One Transcendental I was.

The Many Universal I am.

I am the Soul-Flower of My Eternity.

I am the Heart-Fragrance of My Infinity.
Sri Chinmoy
There is a place, deep within me, where the "knowing" slips away into the "nothing to do but be".

That place where I am at peace with who I am, where I am, what I am, being. It isn't a place I touch very often. It isn't a place that reaches me frequently. In my busy, gotta get it done, be there, be here, be this, or that world, that place of 'nothing but what is', can be elusive. It's not that it's gone away, it's just that I'm too engrossed in all my busy-ness to feel its presence softening my heart.

Last night at my meditation group, I felt that place. Felt its depth, its quiet, its beauty.

It touched me and I touched it and I was at peace.I thought about what energy I would want to share with him and it was Love. I breathed in Love. I exhaled Love. I let Love carry me.

We were seven. Dal the leader, his partner Barb, and five others. C.C. came with me last night. It was his first time. I thought about being nervous. Being conscious of his presence and decided it was not necessary. Not part of my 'schtick'. He was there to have his own experience. Just as I was there to experience mine. We were both part of the whole. Vital. Integral. Essential in our presence.

I thought about what energy I would want to share with him and it was Love. I breathed in Love. I exhaled Love. I let Love carry me.

I breathed.

In this meditation practice there is a grounding exercise and then music. The music is a vehicle. It carries us through time and space, it resonates in the air around us, within us, about us. The exercise is not to 'listen' to the music but to feel it. To let it move through you like a breeze through the leaves of a tree.

I let the music be my guide. I became part of the music and found myself in a beautiful meadow. My little child was there. She was sitting amidst the flowers, waiting for me.

She's been waiting a long time for me to turn up.

"What do you need sweetheart?" I asked her.

"To be safe," she replied. There was no accusation in her voice. No sense of dismay or disappointment. Simply truth.

I picked her up. Held her in my arms.

"Holding me won't keep me safe," she whispered. "Let me go."

Ahh, the wisdom of a child.

In the creative space of my imagination, eyes closed, I looked around the circle. All our children were there. All our children wanted to feel safe.

I opened my arms. Wide.

My child danced in the sunlight. She laughed and played amidst the wildflowers and the other children.

On beams of light and laughter they danced off into the distance. Off into that place where I cannot go if I am to be fully present in the here and now of this my life today.

I breathed.

At the end of the meditation, Dal went around the circle asking each what we had to share of our experiences.

I shared the story of the little girl, the children playing, dancing into the light.

"What did that feel like for you?" he asked. "To create safety for the children."

"It was my job," I replied. "My responsibility."

There was no question of 'Can I?' Can't I? How do I? What do I do?

There was only acceptance. Acceptance of 'this is my role'. It is what I must do.

There was harmony in the air last night. Harmony and peace and tranquility and surrender.

My mind wants to control.

My being knows my thinking has kept me still, kept me silent, kept me trapped in my doing long enough.

Time to unleash my creativity and let myself go.

My child is safe.

My world is full when I turn up, fearlessly in love with all that I am letting go of being anyone but who I am, In Love.

3 comments:

n. davis rosback said...

you are a beautiful child.

M.L. Gallagher said...

l)

:)

Jingle said...

when you have a child's perspective, u r innocent and pure loving!

fabulous post.