Mystery is at the heart of creativity. That, and surprise. Julia CameronDuring my meditation group session on Wednesday night I had a moment that quite literally, blew my mind.
I was sitting in the quiet, feeling the music move through me, feeling the air, the space, the energy of the group moving all around and through and under and in me. It had taken awhile to ground that evening. To slip out of monkey mind chatter into that place where I was present, in the moment, conscious of my being, my thinking, my feeling, my essence.
And then, my mind went black. Completely dark. An empty void. I felt as if my eyeballs were pulling away from their sockets, moving back into my skull. The darkness was intense. Profound and as it descended a thought scurried through. "Enough with thinking, Louise. Your mind has had control long enough. Time to let it go."
After the session, I shared my experience with the group and Dal, our guide suggested I watch out for integration of the experience over the next few days, "Big things are on the move."
Last night, I had my first session with Barb. An energy healer, shaman, spiritual guide, Barb has a PhD in Women's Studies and Spiritual Healing. She's taught nursing, from practical to management studies. Five years ago she said, enough. Enough of the academic world, of meetings and committees. She retired and set up her practice as a practitioner in the healing arts.
She is one powerful woman. One amazing guide.
Before we began any 'healing' work, Barb and I spent an hour and a half talking about 'the healing arts'. About chakras and energy fields. About emotions and emotional bonding and release.
I told her of my experience in meditation the night before and her eyes lit up and a gentle laugh burbled up from within her. "There are no accidents," she said. "Just mysteries to behold."
It was no accident that I went to see Barb last night.
There are mysteries to behold.
And I am the beholder.
The holder of the mysteries within me coming to light as I journey this path of self-discovery, exploring the power within rising up to meet the power above and below and all around me.
In two weeks time, the documentary based on the story I told in The Dandelion Spirit will be released.
I have a habit, I told Barb, of abandoning my creative products. Of setting them out into the world and letting them fend for themselves.
I know The Dandelion Spirit has a powerful story that resonates with many people. I've had so many people come to me to tell me of how the book has helped them, 'saved their life' as some have said.
And I know, I have not done much to nurture my creation out in the world.
"What's stopping you?" Barb asked.
And the answer surprised me -- but actually, it doesn't really surprise me. It is so human.
Ego, I said. Who am I to be promoting myself? To think that I have answers for others?
What if you flip the picture and look at it as service? she asked.
And I saw it.
The book is not an ego expression. It is an expression of my experience and the courage and strength I found in my journey away from abuse. It is an act of service. Of holding a space for others to find themselves beneath the horror of abuse. that place where they find their strength to stand up again, to be strong and proud in a place where they are free to heal, to grow, to flourish.
In a few weeks the documentary will be released and there is much I can do to support both the book and women and men who have found themselves lost in the arms of the one they love, looking for sense in the nonsense of their abuse.
I am on a path. On a journey. On a beautiful, mysterious and magical ride open to receive the mysteries of my life as they unfold.
What fun! What adventure awaits. What mystery awakens.