Thursday, March 3, 2011

Mother Nature -- I'm disturbed.

This morning I looked at the weather forecast and saw it was 'only' -22C and thought, "oh goodie. It's warmed up outside."

Hello? Since when does minus 22 Celsius warrant a 'warmed up?' That's not warm, 'cause baby it's cold outside.

And it's March already. Seriously. Can't the weather get in line with the spring-like thoughts blossoming in my head? Can't Mother Nature get on board the global warming phenomena scientists and meteorologists have been quacking about forever. And I mean, forever?

Oh right. Forever is a long, long time.

Yeah, well, it sure feels like this forever cold is taking a long, long time to warm up.

Maybe it's the weather causing people who are normally so compliant to act out. Take one of the clients who has been coming to the arts program at the shelter where I work. He's shown a proclivity to turning up in the space under the influence of alcohol. And it's just not allowed.

Except, I've been allowing it by not doing anything about it. Oh yeah, I have occasionally had a conversation with him about his drinking and he commits to 'not doing it again'. And then, he slips and I slide into that space of 'oh well, at least he's compliant' and then, it continues until an opportunity is presented, like yesterday, and I have to take action. As I told a co-worker as we discussed how best to deal with the situation, "I have to also think of the big picture of the program and the impact of his behaviour on others. I don't want to prevent him from coming to the studio. It has had such a great impact on him and he is such a gift to the group."

When he's sober.

Because when he's there under the influence, his gift is diminished. And he knows it and I know it and the others know it and we all pretend we don't know it.

I need to be conscious of the message allowing his behaviour to continue will have on others in the program. I need to be conscious of the big picture and do what is best for the whole, not just the individual. And truth is, barring him for awhile from accessing the space could be a positive experience for him too.

As someone said to me, "You're not responsible for his actions. You need to give him the best of you. And your best is found in doing the right thing."

Why is doing the right thing so hard sometimes?

It's that ego thing. I tell myself, 'if I do this then he will do this'. In reality, I don't know what he will do when I 'do this' -- particularly when the 'this' of my doing lacks integrity. And, in accepting the unacceptable, I have acted without integrity to the whole. And in this case, the whole, being the program and the other artists and musicians who turn up, deserve my best, not my 'let's pretend it's my best and what's happening is for the best.'

It's one of the things I love about writing here every morning -- writing anywhere for that matter -- I get to see my thinking and find those places where I have run away from reality as it is into reality as I'd like to pretend it is.

A colleague and I, a fellow life coach, are putting together a program based on 'I Power'. I know, I know -- reality as I'd like it to be says I have all the time I need to create this program. And.... I do, when I quit pretending all I am is based on my work at the shelter.

See, the reality is, I work long days because I choose to. Not because I must. And I choose to because I take on too many projects, fill my 'bucket' with too many rocks and have trouble hefting it around.

It's the word 'choose' I struggle with. Because, truly, I'd like to pretend "I have to". I mean seriously, if I don't do it, who will?

Well.... the 'who will' is always an issue in a not for profit. There's always more to do than people and resources to do it.

So... my challenge is to step into my I Power to say, "I do not have the time nor resources to do this by saying, "This is a great idea. The resources to make it happen are beyond our current reality. Is it important enough an idea that we are willing to let something else go? And if so, what is that 'something else' that has to go?"

I buy into my own myth of my indispensable 'importance' when I keep adding rocks to my bucket without balancing the weight by removing the things I can't carry.

I am not giving my 100% anywhere in my life when I am dragging myself down with 'must dos' without considering 'can't dos'.

Sure, I know the sayings, "Whether you believe you can or can't, you are right." or, "There's no such word as can't."

Seriously, is any of that true? I believe I can't, do it all.

Right or wrong?

Maybe it's not about right or wrong and just about reality.

Yeah. Reality is I am one person with a given number of hours in a day and a need to balance my life with time spent, working, sleeping, eating and.... spending time with those I love, meditating, reading, writing, creating. I need to ensure I am balanced to give my best in all areas of my life.

And I am not balanced when I am choosing to let myself become overwhelmed with too many things to do and not enough time to give my best to them.

Whew. Now that I've got that thinking straigthened out, I can get on with my Pleasantly Disturbed Thursday.

I can get out into the world, confident in my ability to step into my I Power and be my best, without dragging myself down into the land of telling myself I'm giving my best away to everything and everyone else but me! 'Cause really... my best is not in play when I am playing on empty.

Pleasantly Disturbed Thursday is the brainchild of Duane Scott over at Duane Scott. Now how's that for pleasantly disturbed. Duane Scott is Duane Scott. (I know. I know. I can be soooo funny -- and did I mention original? -- sometimes.)

Though it's the genius of Glynn Young over at Faith. Fiction. Friends. this morning who reminded me of the fun and the power of letting the thoughts flow without censure or unpleasant adherence to worrying about what I'm thinking not being 'good enough' for the world to consume. Seriously? Sometimes, being pleasantly disturbed is the best way to get out of my own way and get real with what I'm doing and how I'm living my life!

Wishing you a pleasantly disturbed and undisturbed Thursday. May it be to your liking. May you choose always to do the right thing for you and your world so that you are authentically in the flow of living today as your best day yet!

And may Mother Nature hear the call of spring and warm up already! 'Cause I'm unpleasantly disturbed by the weather these days!


Maureen said...

Being Pleasantly Disturbed can be so enlightening.

We're now in the bouncing-temperatures mode, one day in the 60s and the next low 20s. But the sun is shining, the sky is blue, and I have taxes to do (rhyme entirely unintended).

Have a great day.

trisha said...

-22 deg centigrade is warm at your place?

hope you guys meet spring soon. take care my dear friend, will be back tomorrow, internet is not acting well today.


Hope said...

I think you said it all in your title!

love your post. glad you are comfortable to spill your thoughts and I'm not sure why it's sometimes hard to do the right thing but perhaps the wrong road we take seems right for a while until something happens that tells us 'turn around and start again'

I guess it doesn't matter how you look at it, wrong is wrong and right is right.

one thing about this time of year, even though the temps are cold the sun is so warm and makes up for it.

Have a wonderful day Louise!

S. Etole said...

We're still doing that below zero thing, too ... and it's disturbing!

JTS said...

Having grown up in the long, cold Midwestern winters of Dakota, I know well the longing for Spring, and remember too many Easters when pretty spring dresses and coats had to be forsaken for warmer wear to trudge thru snowanks. It snows in October, it snows in April. I have to admit I don't miss it one bit... except for white Christmas, which is a rare ocurrance in Texas.

On the concept of trying to be all and do all, I've been there. It took me many years to realize that just because I knew how to do something or wanted to do something, or felt pressured to do something didn't mean that I had the time or energy to devote to it along with my other commitments in life. Learning how and when to say NO is just as important a lesson as learning when to say yes.
"My best is not when I'm playing on empty"... amen to that!

Anonymous said...

thursday already?
i think i've been standing in the kitchen for two days straight.

Fi said...

Awesome post.
Sending some beautiful Autumn weather you're way - 25C here today

Cheers, Fi