Friday, March 2, 2012

I Ate My Voice (a poem)

We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.  -- Roderick Thorp 

Roderick Thorp, whose novel, The Detective - Nothing lasts forever was made into the feature film, DieHard starring Bruce Willis, has it right -- I am suspect of falling into the trap of being my own worst enemy.

At lunch the other day with a friend, I had a nibble of Baklava. "Go ahead. Have some. You deserve it." and so, I cheated. And I lost a connection to my best friend -- the one within me who wants only the best for me.

I breathe and begin again.

Always, begin again where I'm at.

I have lost 18 pounds and I am feeling great! Yet, temptation to quit, to cheat, to have one bite lurk within the next spoonful, within every step into the kitchen, every view of TV. I have never been so conscious of how often food and drink appear on TV until I've been on this diet. No wonder we are becoming a nation of eating disordered consciousness. Encouragement to eat more, starve more, diet more, get thinner, let food be the way to happiness, are everywhere!

In honour of my commitment to eat what pleases and nourishes me -- body, mind, spirit and heart, I wrote the following to celebrate my commitment to Always Begin Again -- and celebrate where I'm at. Where I'm at is my journey of being exactly where I am, letting go of those things and thoughts and ideas that do not celebrate where I'm at.

I Ate My Voice
by Louise Gallagher


I ate my voice today
stuffed it down

beneath layers of grilled salmon
and mixed greens

beneath a nibble of dessert
I didn’t want

but chose to eat
anyway

I ate my voice
and was consumed

by sadness
knowing

my voice needed
no, my voice must

rise up
speak up
be heard

I ate my voice
knowing

only I can set it free
but I wanted so desperately

for someone else
to unlock

the recipe
keeping my silence

measured out
in carefully packaged words
that do not ring

true
I wanted someone else

to open
the door
to my voice

I ate my voice today
and I am tired

tired of feasting on my words
never spoken

I am tired of being full
of nothing

but regret
keeping me eating

the truth…
I ate my voice

looking for the perfect
word

or way
to say
I’ve had enough

No thank you
I’m done

eating my words
I’m done

not listening
to me

Speak Up.

8 comments:

nance marie said...

cool poem...

Josie Two Shoes said...

This was an awesome poem, a clever way to word the issue, one familiar to me. Too often, I also eat my voice, or drown it in the cacophany of dissenting voices in my head trying to distract me from what my heart says I want to do/say/be. This is an excellent reminder to listen to what we know is true and good within us.

Jennifer Richardson said...

I so LOVE this!
simple brilliance...I ate my voice.
Oh will I ever remember this.
served up powerful
and in color:)
thanks for the nourishing ponder.
always grateful,
Jen

Sandra Heska King said...

Wow, Louise. This is so creative. I need to eat my voice more often. And the weight loss? Congratulations! I've been working at paying attention to what I'm eating--counting calories. And I've lost not. one. pound. in three (maybe four) weeks. :P

sharmishtha said...

loved the beautiful message of the poem louise.

have a lovely weekend.

lots of love.

Fi said...

18 pounds, wow - you give me faith that I too can achieve greatness. Love the poem - very witty and clever.
Sometimes we need a little treat whether it be edible or not.

Megan Willome said...

There is such a connection between our words and our eating. It's different for different people, but I think it's always there.

Thanks for your encouragement lately!

Ruth said...

This touches me, Louise. Why does it seem so much easier to listen to the negative, and to what is bad for us? I think you nailed it with the conditioning we get at every turn, surrounding us.

How perfect this poem is in showing the irony of you eating something you needed, that defeated it (and you for a moment), rather than eating something that turns it into energy.

Food for thought like crazy! And congrats on those 18 pounds. That's a lot to accomplish.