Letting go now.

The past is for wisdom, the present is for action but for joy the future. Disraeli 

Calgary is one of those interesting climate zones where bright warm, sunshiny temperatures can give way to clouds and snow within moments. Blink and the world is transformed.


In the Soul of a Pilgrim retreat I'm engaged in, we are invited to go through our day noticing and experiencing what is on the surface of things as well as below.


This morning, I worried. 


A friend who normally emails her comments in a project we are engaged in by 6:30am, had not sent anything before 7 even. 


Worry marched in before I had a chance to whisper, Stop. (Like I would have.)


What is beneath the surface of this worry? I wondered.


And I saw the truth.


Last week in the Pilgrim's course, I wrote about a limiting belief I'd unearthed. I do not trust the Universe.


Now that is beyond limiting, it is self-defeating and imposes a world of distrust in everyone, everything and every happening in my world.


Sure, I realized, on the surface, I trust...


On the surface.


Below that? well... let's just say there's this little critter in me whispering, right, they say they love you but what they really mean is, "I love you as long as you do things and act in ways I approve of." "Don't disappoint me." "Who are you kidding? You don't deserve love." and on the critter slithers through my psyche.


"We only see beauty if we practice," writes Christine Valters Paintner, Abbey of the Arts Abbess and guide of the Pilgrim workshop.


I see beauty in my worry. I see the beauty of my limiting belief and I see the beauty within it. For within it, beneath the surface of its limitations is the full and encompassing power of embracing it in Love and knowing, the universe trusts me and in my reflection I am the trust, I become the trust, I have nothing to fear, but fear itself.


Fear is at the base of my worry. Fear of disappointment. Fear of failure. Fear of looking stupid, ridiculous, of being conned, of being misguided, of trusting another for fear they will let me down.


No one can let me down when I trust in the Universe, and gravity, to hold me up.


>I cannot fall down when I trust myself to let go and surrender into Love.


Letting go now.


Snow is falling and the world is transformed in beauty.


namaste.