The sun crept into the leaden grey sky struggling to push back the night like a thief creeping through a window. I lay in bed willing morning to not appear, struggling to push back the covers and get up.
I am not accustomed to it. To being tired. I'm high energy. High voltage. High enthusiasm.
I remind myself that I am still recovering from surgery. That I still have two stents in my body which at times cause me discomfort. I remind myself to treat myself with tender loving care.
It's so easy to tell someone else what to do, how to do it. Not as easy to give myself the same medicine.
I'm a throw back the covers, leap out of bed and explode into the morning kind of gal.
Right now, I'm not.
Accepting that now is not forever. That it's okay to creep slowly into the day like the sun easing its way across a snow-filled sky, is tough for me.
But, it's also part of healing.
Henry Wadworth Longfellow wrote, "For after all, the best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain."
The best thing I can do when I am healing is to be patient. To accept my body needs time and loving care to reclaim its vibrancy and vitality.
As I journey through my day I shall meditate on the word, 'patience'. What does it mean to me? How does it settle within me -- does it settle within me? Where do I engage impatience to disturb my peace of mind.
Awhile ago I gave a presentation to a group of 3rd year Justice Studies students at a local college. The professor commented that one of the hardest aspects of being a social worker is to be patient with your client -- "You believe you know what's best for them. You believe you have their answers and you want them to get it -- now. Learning patience is one of the toughest things I've ever done."
In our give it to me now, make it go faster, higher, bigger, better world, patience takes a back seat to immediacy.
I want to get it all -- now. I want to understand it all -- now.
There is no point in total understanding. The journey is in the path to understanding.
The question is: Where do you grow impatient with loving yourself just the way you are? Where do you treat yourself with less than you deserve?