Friday, February 17, 2012

Celebrating the disconnects

I started this blog earlier, and wouldn't you know it, while I was busy making coffee my computer did a Scan, rebooted and... the original blog didn't save.

LOL -- gotta love technology when it works because, I figure, maybe, the having to start afresh is a blessing!  'Cause, seriously, if I'm not looking for the value in all things, I'm mucking about in the dissastisfaction of what's happening. And that's no fun!

Yesterday, I shared my feelings around my weight point and the connections I experienced through it to past events.

My friend Mark wrote in to say, Over time, if we eat less and drink lots of water, our weight will go down .... just not at a predictable rate. I suspect Conrad has nothing to do with it . . .

He's right -- the secret to weight loss is to eat less and drink lots of water.

The secret to a healthier me, I believe, is buried in my psyche -- and turns up in unhealthy ways when I do not see the connections between what I'm doing now, and what happened back then that got shoved under the mat of my efforts to ignore its feedback by feeding my pain.

All things are connected to all things. My physical well-being is connected to my emotional health which contributes to my mental state which affects my spiritual connections to the greater calling of our humanity.

Symbology is the language of the Universe. Symbolism connects us to the invisible messages, and hidden truths,  within our hearts and souls, and ultimately, to the spirit essence of the world all around us.

For me, seeing 'Conrad' as a symbol of what ailed me, of what kept me from living my life on fire, in desire, in love with all I am, empowers me to delve into that vast ocean of unexplored territory called, my psyche.

In that space, I find the truth of who I am when I accept how I am in the world is not a one off, standalone event. It is all connected.

Recently, I hurt my beloved through  my impatience. He wasn't getting the significance of something I was doing 'for him'. Imagine! He was expressing his gratitude on his terms, and ignoring the script I'd written in my mind about how I saw it all unfolding.

Now that caused some angst I can tell you!  There I was, devouring the story of how he should respond, reveling in its rapture, thinking of course he'll do it my way!  Isn't my way the right way? The best?

Ha -- I love it when my ego trips me up with its assertions -- I know best.

The grace in this situation came when I spent time delving into the connections. Exploring how 'my way' wasn't about sharing my love or loving him as he is, but rather, running from what I feared -- that my gift would be rejected. That the past would be the present and I would be rejected. Once again.

In that truth, I found the courage, and the Love to acknowledge I had expectations that had nothing to do with him, and everything to do with my pain.

And in that truth, I let go and fell in Love.

All things are connected. In exploring those connections, arm yourself with a loving, kind and gentle heart where you celebrate those moments of disconnect, and fall in Love.



Fi said...

When your ego trips itself up with assertions - boy can I identify with the truth in that one

Be gentle with yourself :-0

nance marie said...

i am going to think about holding things with a fairly open palm.

sharmishtha said...

when my blogs go kaboom i try to bring out the best from that accident too.